The fluorescent lights of my office keep me humble

It is very rare that I put effort into my appearance before work. There was a time when I would wake up at an appropriate time and try to look nice for the day, but that was when I was young and full of energy. Those days (along with my positive outlook on life and liberty) are long behind me.

 

This morning, however, I woke up with an abundance of energy. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s Friday, or maybe it’s because I went to sleep at a semi-decent hour last night, but either way I rose from my slumber without an alarm and ready to take on my day. I showered, blow dried my hair, spent an extra 7 minutes on the exact same makeup routine I do every other day, but somehow those 7 extra minutes had me feeling like Adriana Lima and I was HERE for it.

 

I was honestly feeling myself so much that I convinced myself that my entrance into the building would be something to the effect of a Cinderella moment. I was going to walk into the office and everyone would turn around thinking “wow, is that really her?”, they would be amazed by my sheer beauty and radiance that can only come from waking up 40 minutes earlier than I normally do. As you can imagine, based on the nature of this blog, that was not the case.

 

I got to my desk, opened my laptop, grabbed a coffee, and walked to the bathroom. I generally avoid mirrors wherever possible, but today I decided to sneak a glance of myself in passing. Immediate double take. The person staring back at me could only be described as the love child of the Grinch and that slug receptionist from Monsters Inc. It was really that bad. My hair was a mess, my skin was pale, my lips were cracked from dehydration.

 

I am telling myself it’s the lighting, but I’m far too pragmatic to believe my own lies.

 

Happy Friday!!!!

 

 

I don’t slow down to look at car accidents because I am better than the people who do.

If you are someone who delays my commute by half an hour in order to get a brief glance at a car wreck on the other side of the highway, please just do us all a favor and start taking public transit. Do you feel better about your own life now that you have seen what a shit day that other guy is having? Were you even able to get a proper glance or did you slow down just enough to get a brief second but went too fast to really take the entire thing in?

I flat out refuse to slow down and look at accidents purely because I want to feel superior to the people that do. I will literally sit in my car smug as hell driving past the accident pretending that everyone else on the road is impressed by my self restraint and thanking me for my ability to continue the flow of traffic. Realistically, I know that nobody notices or pays that much attention to me on the road, but it feels good to know that I am better than 90% of the people driving around me. It’s the little things in life that keep me going.

Now, I don’t want you to feel too badly if you are one of the people I am referring to. At least you’re not one of the ones who unnecessarily weave in and out of bumper to bumper traffic only to get to their destination .7 seconds quicker than the rest of us, right?

The grossest thing a human can do is sneeze into their hands & I don’t care if you agree with me.

One of the most vile things a human being can possibly do is sneeze directly into their hands. If you are reading this and you are one of those people, please for the love of God change your ways immediately.

I mean there are literally so many viable options you can choose from when directing your sneeze. I’m generally unbothered by other people and their habits. Despite hosting a blog where I complain about the general public, I am a fairly easy going person… but I have absolutely zero tolerance for this type of barbaric behavior.

This isn’t even a matter of who raised you. I honestly think this is just common sense. If you are going to expel germs from your body, why would you choose the one body part that you use for pretty much everything else to catch them?

I actually need stop writing about this because it is making me sick. Just please disassociate yourself from me forever if you do this and refuse to change your ways.

Work, social life, exercise, alone time. Choose three.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about the myth that is a work-life balance, and I have narrowed my life’s necessities down to four categories – work, social life, exercise, and alone time. Of course, all four categories are not maintainable together, but my theory is that at any given time you can commit to three. The problem I am currently having, however, is which three I want to focus on this summer.

The no brainer here is removing exercise, but like an idiot I decided to join multiple sports teams this year so I need to get myself in shape. I may actually keel over and die during one of these games if I don’t start regularly working out. Plus, I’m not going to lie to you, for the better part of 2018 I’ve chosen to let go of exercise in order to focus on other aspects of my life (a nicer way of saying I let myself go these past few months) and I am definitely not looking my best. I could use the exercise.

I was thinking I could cut into my alone time a little bit, then stay up later than usual to make up for it (I maintain a strict 10pm bedtime on work nights to prepare for my hour and a half commute in the morning). But then I’d be miserable at work and see less benefits from the exercise I mentioned earlier. Also – falling asleep at the wheel is probably not the best look and trust me I’ve come close.

Reducing my social life beyond what it has already has been is not an option. Going from one of the biggest party schools in the nation to a corporate 9-5 has dramatically changed my way of life. I try to make plans after work at least once throughout the week, and I make sure I keep myself busy on the weekend, but if it weren’t for drinks with my friends every once in a while, I don’t think I would have made it this far into my career.

This leads me to work. I can’t live my life without a steady income, I just can’t. As much as I like to believe I could live off the fortune my entrepreneurial spirit will inevitably bring, I also have 0 confidence in myself and my ability to create a company that is both successful and allows me the freedom to do little to no work.

I feel like a good blogger would have made a decision toward the end of this, but I’m just starting out so I’m giving myself a pass. For now, I may need to try and wake up earlier for exercise, and just stretch out my days a little longer. I give myself 4 weeks max before this plan implodes.

I took the stairs today and might start a fitspo insta for the peasants who didn’t.

Extremely proud of myself today. It takes some serious strength of mind to take the stairs rather than succumb to the temptation of the elevator. Today I turn over a new leaf.

There I was, in the lobby of my office. I started to turn toward the direction of the elevator as I normally do, but then it hit me – do I want to be the type of person who wheezes their way up the stairs when I have to take them? Company sports season is starting (I’m on three teams – no big deal but I’m sort of the shit around here) and the last thing I want is to be the one falling behind.

Just once in my life, I want to be that annoying person that is just slightly better than everyone else. Like when you’re talking about how lazy you were last weekend and that one guy decides it’s a good time to discuss the 10 mile run he completed after he cleaned out his whole house and rescued a cat stuck in a tree (the last part was a little dramatic, but it’s early and I just worked myself up a bit).

Anyway, I think this might be a turning point. Maybe I’ll dust off the old fitbit. Better late than never for that summer bod.